3 Tips for Getting Through Holiday Gatherings When you are Struggling.
There are many reasons that people stress about holiday gatherings. Grief, divorce, toxic relationships, addictive behaviors, past trauma, or social anxiety can make attending holiday functions overwhelming. Encountering family members who are difficult or toxic can put someone in a stressed state for days or weeks prior to the event. Those in recovery from addiction will face triggers for relapse. People with social anxiety or tendency for panic are at risk for being overwhelmed. Here are three tips that can help you navigate the season if you find yourself struggling with overwhelm or dread.
Identify and name the issue
An example “My brother was a bully and when I see him I feel like I am 10 years old again”. The naming of the fea Identifying the problem gives the dread and overwhelm some parameters. A more general example: “there will be too many people at the gathering and I might have a panic attack” may point to strategies for anxiety reduction. Naming the issue and the response that you fear gives you an element of control and helps you plan a strategy to reduce the emotional load from the experience.
Plan an exit strategy
Knowing what you will do if things go south also can also promote a sense of control. Having alternate plans for transportation home if you need to bail helps you to feel less trapped. Having a few people that know your situation to support you if you feel super stressed is helpful. Planning a walk outdoors or time helping in the kitchen gives you a break from the intensity of interaction with others. Engaging with children or pets in a game or play can get you out of the primary gathering..
Give yourself permission to opt out of an event (or to leave early)
Sometimes the sanest thing to do is to opt out of an event, or to partially participate in gatherings thar are overwhelming. Finding another way to spend time with the people you actually want to see can be more enjoyable. Small gatherings can be less stressful and less unpredictable. There is nothing fun about pushing yourself to the breaking point.
The common factor in these strategies is that they lend a measure of control. You do not need to be at the mercy of what others have planned. Have a talk with yourself about what you need, make a plan, and give yourself an opportunity to change course if you need to.