Boundaries as Self Care
We have heard a great deal about self care in these pandemic years but many suggestions come close to being insulting. Suggestions such as “take a bubble bath” or “have a cup of tea” are so out of scale to what most people have been experiencing recently that it seems ridiculous. Healthy boundaries are helpful in caring for yourself and keeping relationships healthy.
Boundaries are what you will allow and not allow. It has to do with protecting your time, energy, resources, and personal space and saying no to things that you do not want and you do not want to do. It involves you respecting your own needs and gently letting others know that you expect them to respect your needs as well. I think of Robert Frost’s Poem “Mending Wall” written in 1914 that references the proverb “Good Fences Make Good Neighbors”. It begins with the phrase:
“Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,”
The poem describes two neighbors tending to a wall that needs to be continually repaired because the forces of nature constantly pull it apart. It references the very important idea of interpersonal boundaries and shows that it takes two people to attend to this.It requires that you to not only set boundaries of your own but also respect those of others with family, friends, coworkers or employers. It is mutual. Respecting boundaries improves the quality of your relationships and makes your life better.
Setting and respecting boundaries is not a one time deal. It is a continual process. Even if you were successfully able to say no to a request it does not mean that this boundary will not be tested again next week. People are seeking solutions. That you people want you to do something or contribute extra is human nature. You need not take it personally. It does not mean the relationship is faulty. People just have needs.
Just like the neighbors in Robert Frost’s poem, boundaries (and relationships) are things that need constant tending. Healthy relationships are directly associated with well being and the process is self care. The payoff is much greater than say a bubble bath, or cup of tea.
Make maintaining healthy boundaries part of your self care strategy.