Grief vs depression- How to tell the difference
The symptoms of depression have a lot in common with a typical grief response. Both are gloomy. In both situations people experience sadness and a sense of being profoundly alone. It is possible for a person to be both grieving and depressed. People with chronic depression can also suffer losses. Bereaved people can have a major change in circumstances that overwhelms their ability to adapt and grief moves to depression. When I see people for grief counseling they often ask if their grief is normal. It is hard to answer without a few sessions of exploration.
The symptoms of depression include: depressed mood, loss of pleasure in doing things, a sense of guilt, and thoughts of death or suicide. These same symptoms are frequently associated with grief. Guilt is common in the bereaved, people often wish they had done more for their loved one. They often say they wish they had made a different choice that would have prevented the death ( this tends to be unrealistic). Sadness is very appropriate and thoughts of death and one's own mortality often visit the bereaved.
As a bereavement counselor I listen for differences. A bereaved person’s statements of guilt often begin with “if only…”. “If only I had taken someone to the doctor” or “if only I hadn’t left the hospital”. They express guilt which is very typical in the grief process.
The depressed person typically has a sense of being bad or or worthless. They have a distorted perception that things have always been bad and will never get better. People who are grieving, on the other hand, will make statement like” I don’t if I can live without my person” which could cause concern about suicide in some contexts. Often it is a statement that is actually true. At that point in time they do not actually know how they will go on, but there is no implied intent to die. A depressed person making similar statements would be cause much more concern. It needs attention and an informal or formal evaluation. It is important to explore and get help from a professional if you are concerned, regardless of the situation.
Somatic symptoms of depression include: weight loss (or gain), difficulty with sleep, inability to concentrate, and fatigue. Bereaved persons often have the same issues. However, the bereaved person is more likely to have weight loss than weight gain. They are dysregulated and often out of touch with the body's signals for hunger. Often every part of their schedule is off as they adjust to life without the deceased. Frequently their sleep disturbance involves going to bed around the usual time but waking early and being unable to get back to sleep. Depressed people are more likely to oversleep and have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. One final difference is that those who are depressed benefit from antidepressants but the person who is grieving typically does not.
The grief process can take longer than most people expect, usually years rather than months. When there are complicating factors such as trauma, unresolved interpersonal issues or a drastic change in circumstances, grieving will be a longer process. Complicated grief benefits from counseling. If you or someone you care about is experiencing depression or complicated grief please reach out to a mental health professional for guidance.