Navigating Difficult Days
Difficult days happen to everyone but people who struggle with anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem may have more difficulty navigating them. The skill required for distress tolerance can be especially challenging when a person has few reliable supports. When coping skills are weak the inability to navigate difficult situations can snowball, producing an entire day of frustration and overwhelm.
Even in difficult situations, we have choices. Even though many things are out of our control we still choose how we spend our day and how we react to situations. We cannot stop world events like the pandemic or political turmoil but we have more control than it might seem at first glance. Marsha Linehan, a psychologist, has a technique called “improving the moment”. This involves identifying something that we can do even when in a difficult (or overwhelming) situation to make it better, or at least less bad. She has a list of suggestions including a distraction, a walk outdoors, calling someone, a washcloth for your face, or getting something warm or cold to drink. A positive interruption to the situation can help you gain focus and decide what the next step might be. It helps to stay in the present and identify what you can do to make it a better one without letting the past or future affect the now.
Sometimes entire days are difficult emotionally. It may be helpful to ask “what can I do to turn this around?” Just because you had a difficult morning does not mean the rest of the day must be dreadful. Check-in with yourself to see what the primary feeling is and what you can do to make this better. You can also use self-reflection to see if there is something that you are doing that makes things worse: like not giving yourself enough time, being cynical, or spending too much time on negative self-talk. It may be time for a different strategy. Perhaps a different routine might, over time, lead to more days when you feel ok and can make better decisions and choices. Feeling better can help you navigate days when everything seems to go wrong.
Psychologist, Carol Dweck, introduced the concept of the growth mindset. It involves the belief that your abilities can be improved by effort. Changing your self-talk from “I’m no good at this” (a fixed mindset) to “ I can’t do this yet but I am learning and improving” (a growth mindset) leads to an improved mental state. Having a growth mindset is another way to improve your self-talk. Typically it involves many small mindset shifts and the belief that growth and change are possible. The focus is on progress instead of on results. The self-talk that goes with this involves rewarding yourself for the effort, viewing learning as progress, and not seeking approval from others to feel ok.
Even in difficult times, and on bad days, we still have some control. Feeling in control of something, anything, can help us to feel better and navigate difficulties. Positive self-talk can make the difference between being a victim of a frustrating situation or shrugging it off as an annoyance. Every day we can choose to treat ourselves kindly and see growth areas that we are working on. Check-in with yourself. What do you need to feel ok at this moment?